Nigel Farndale, The Telegraph 2 Mar 08;
What was it, this frisson that passed between the young woman behind the counter at Pret A Manger and me? It wasn't flirtation, exactly. It was more conspiratorial than that. A knowing look. A social judgment shared.
As she asked me if I wanted a plastic bag for my two items - a (wild) salmon sandwich and a banana - the man at the head of the queue next to mine was asked the same question by another assistant. He had a sandwich and an apple. The point is, I said no. He said yes. That was when the look was exchanged.
That, I am ashamed to admit, was the moment I felt superior, if only by one degree, if only for a second. The man had committed a faux pas. He had transgressed an unwritten ethical code. He had fallen foul of the new morality, which actually, if you think about it, is also the new snobbery.
It is apparent everywhere. In a restaurant the other night our companions asked us if we wanted sparkling water or whether we were happy with a jug of tap. The clue to the correct answer was in the word "happy". We went with the tap. It wasn't that we were being cheap - but we probably were being a little smug. My wife and I are paid-up members of the enlightened middle classes, you see. Our consciousnesses have been raised. We are E, the modern equivalent of U.
Just as Nancy Mitford divided society into the upper classes and the aspiring middle classes - that is, into U and Non-U - so society is being divided into the environmentally aware and environmentally unaware, or E and Non-E. It satisfies a need we seem to have to judge one another.
The modern equivalent of saying "toilet", "serviette" or "pardon" is leaving your television on stand-by, driving a Chelsea tractor, arriving at Waitrose without your own heavy-duty carrier bags, popping into Starbucks without your own reusable mug, walking past the shelves selling organic, Fairtrade and free-range, or flying long-haul when you don't really need to (and without offsetting your carbon footprint). I tell you, it's a social minefield out there.
Even going to Glastonbury has become Non-E. I know - that surprises me, too. I thought Glastonbury was the ultimate in environmental chic, a demonstration that you suckle at the teat of Mother Earth, that you are in touch with your inner solstice. But no - for the bien pensants, Glastonbury is ruled out this year. And this comes straight from the top: Thom Yorke, the lead singer of Radiohead. Why? Because it doesn't have "an adequate public transport infrastructure in place". Radiohead, he added in an article in the Sun on Thursday, "are doing everything we can to minimise our impact on the environment".
Hmm. Could this be the moment when the backlash starts? It is, after all, a scientifically verifiable fact there is nothing in this world more annoying than being lectured by a pop star. According to this premise, the blame for the Iraq war rests squarely on the shoulders of Ms Dynamite. Had she not argued in March 2003 the invasion should not be allowed to happen, it wouldn't have happened. Her annoying intervention was, for George W Bush and Tony Blair, the tipping point.
Being harangued by a newspaper comes a close second. The Independent has been banging the environmental drum for a few years now - ever since its editor-in-chief, Simon Kelner, had lunch with Laurie David, Hollywood's richest and most glamorous eco-warrior, the woman who holds "eco-salons" for Leonardo Di Caprio, Cameron Diaz, Angelina Jolie et al. But at least the Independent?'s heart is in the right place.
More disturbing is the come-lately arrival on the eco-worthy scene of the Daily Mail. About five years ago that paper's standard response to an eco story was merciless ridicule. Last week it dedicated its front page to a campaign to stop us using plastic bags. Perhaps its canny editor had tested the air and knew that Sainsbury's and Tesco were about to announce plans to reduce plastic bags by a billion a year anyway. Hmm, again.
Being lectured by a posh person comes third. I wonder how much longer the green revolution took to filter into the mainstream because the Prince of Wales was leading it. Don't get me wrong, I think he is a visionary, a true philosopher prince. But given that the other two leading figures in the green movement, the Eton-educated Jonathon Porritt and the Stowe-educated George Monbiot, are also pretty posh, there may have been some inverted snobbery in the slowness of the eco uptake.
On the other hand, perhaps in some subliminal way this association of greenness with poshness explains the current vogue for going green among the aspiring middle classes. David Cameron (Eton-educated, of course, and for once this seems relevant to the discussion) has been canny in the way he has exploited this fashion.
I hope there isn't a backlash, by the way. I'm all for recycling, sustainability, diversity, lowering carbon emissions and everything. But I do think the eco-awareness game has to be played more subtly than it is being played at the moment. When the BSE scare was at its height, there were those contrarians among us who made a point of ordering rare beef as a gesture of defiance. Others deliberately wore fur when that became the cause célèbre.
When councils start preaching at us, that really winds us up. If people were allowed to use recycling bins when they needed to, I reckon they would. But we resent being treated like children and told we can't have collections every week because we don't know what's best for us.
And how galling it must be for my parents' generation to be told not to waste things when they have lived through rationing and know all about the benefits of frugality. If there is one thing the British hate more than having their environment needlessly destroyed, overheated or squandered, it is being preached at by busybodies, puritans and snobs.
The eco-snobs are the worst. It is not enough they get to feel better about themselves for doing the right thing environmentally; they have to make someone else feel worse. Make them feel small, vulgar, immoral. I caught myself doing it in that queue the other day. And shame on me for that.
The green test: are you an eco-snob?
The Telegraph 2 Mar 08;
Last Updated: 12:01am GMT 02/03/2008
What does the term 'green' mean to you?
# Turn your nose up at eco-snobs
# Your view: Do you feel harassed by eco snobs?
a) It's the symbolic colour of environmentalism, chosen for its association with nature, health and growth.
b) It's the colour of envy, isn't it? Excuse me while I park my Subaru Monster 5.2i.
c) Er, isn't it the colour of the little men who live on Mars?
You get invited to Glastonbury festival. Do you say…
a) No thank you, Glastonbury does not have an adequate public transport infrastructure in place.
b) Great, I hear Morrissey might be playing this year.
c) Have a toke on this. Go on, man, you'll thank me.
When you switch the television off at night, do you…
a) Switch it off properly at the plug?
b) Leave it on stand-by, thus burning up energy?
c) Throw it out of the window of your high-rise hotel before embarking on a drug-fuelled orgy with a dozen groupies?
When asked at the supermarket if you want a bag, how do you answer?
a) No thank you, I have brought my own. It is made from hemp.
b) Yes please, otherwise the items I have purchased will take slightly longer to carry from my 4x4 to my house, a distance of 10 feet.
c) Can you tell me on which aisle I can find the Golden Grahams?
What kind of car do you drive?
a) A petrol-electric hybrid that does 65mpg
b) A 4x4 Super Clarkson with a V12 engine, luxury trim, six rows of seats and a cargo area big enough to play rugby in. Oh yes. It's a beast.
c) Seriously, the Golden Grahams. Which aisle?
What is a Sumatran tiger?
a) An endangered species.
b) An aphrodisiac. You harvest the penis and throw the rest away.
c) I know this one. I know this one. Don't tell me…
What do you think of plans to build a new runway and terminal at Heathrow?
a) A travesty, it will mean a further 40 million people a year will travel to Heathrow, causing irreparable damage to the environment.
b) Will it be finished in time for my holiday to the Maldives?
c) Is it a type of cat?
With which of these statements do you most agree?
a) Vote blue, go green.
b) Don't turn green, it's obscene.
c) Recycle schmichael.
All a) Congratulations, you are a true green doing your bit to save the planet.
All b) Oh dear, you really are an eco-unfriendly rotter, aren't you? You need to have a long, hard look in the mirror, my friend.
All c) They're on the third aisle down, next to the Special K.
