Pursuing perfection to our perennial peril
Radha Basu, Straits Times 5 Aug 09;
A RECENT article in this newspaper on how Singapore was placed an unremarkable 49th out of 140 countries in a 'happiness index' has unleashed much soul-searching.
One reader wrote to The Straits Times' Forum Online to dub the results 'disturbing'.
'By all counts, we are a materially wealthy nation, so why are Singaporeans not happy with their lot,' he asked.
Nearly 20 people weighed in with answers. One said Singaporeans aren't happy because 'we are slaves to $$$'.
Another cited the complaints that appear regularly in ST Forum - 'noisy neighbours, cats pooing, MRT eating, queuing, noise, ticketing, waiting...even Ms Singapore also not spared' (sic) - before philosophising: 'Like that how to be happy? Live and let live la!'
A third blamed the lack of 'social safety nets' like a national pension scheme for our high stress levels.
I should point out that the so-called 'Happy Planet Index' - the subject of the Forum angst - is not a particularly good gauge of happiness. It considers not just personal satisfaction and life expectancy, but also how environmentally friendly we are. Singapore, together with other developed countries, stumbled on that score.
Carbon dioxide-spewing SUVs and air-conditioners, after all, may make for happy individuals but not a happy planet. Not surprisingly, Latin American and Caribbean countries with their dense jungles, pristine beaches and laid-back people bagged nine of the top 10 spots in the Happy Planet Index.
But Singapore also doesn't do particularly well in other happiness barometers, such as the World Map of Happiness drawn up by Britain's University of Leicester in 2006. The project culled data from the United Nations Human Development Report, the World Health Organisation, Unesco and the Central Intelligence Agency, and polled 80,000 people, to come up with a 'happiness map' covering 178 countries.
Singapore ranked 53rd, lower than Denmark (1st), Bhutan (8th), Luxembourg (12th), Malaysia (17th), the United States (23th) and Britain (41th), but higher than China (82nd) and Japan (90th).
Internal surveys also have presented a rather dire picture. One by consulting firm Grey Group found that nine in 10 people polled acknowledged being stressed.
So what makes us appear unhappy to all these chroniclers of good cheer?
Engineer Andy Goh, 36, who beat more than 200 nominees to be dubbed the 'Happiest Singaporean' last year, believes that Singaporeans are generally happy - they just don't know it. 'It's easier (for us to) complain than to appreciate something,' he says.
Global Leadership Academy CEO Philip Merry, who organised the Happiest Singaporean contest as well as a congress on happiness last year, agrees.
'If you have people who love you, good health, can put food on the table and a stable job, you are already happier than nine in 10 people on earth,' he says. 'But not too many people here realise that.'
Singaporeans' drive helped transform this nation from a backwater into a global city within a generation. But that may have come at the cost of making many of us chronic worry warts.
The stresses of living in a society that focuses on materialism have made Singaporeans less happy than their peers in many other countries, says trainer Zaibun Siraj, who conducts workshops on happiness and laughter therapy.
'We spend much of our time on our work and on achieving success. We do not play enough. We do not laugh enough,' says Ms Zaibun,who was a second runner-up in the Happiest Singaporean contest.
Mr Goh concurs that the frenetic pursuit of success or status has made some lose sight of what really matters: family, friends, faith, even food.
The usual challenges life hurls at us from time to time have left Mr Goh unfazed. The secret to his sunny side? Spending 40 hours a week at work and 50 hours with his scientist wife and baby daughter, as well as family and friends.
Recent research on the science of happiness indicates that Mr Goh's instincts are correct.
American psychologist Ed Diener of the University of Illinois has shown that once our basic needs are met, additional wealth does little to increase our sense of satisfaction. High education, IQ or even youth are not prerequisites for happiness.
A 2002 study by Dr Diener and his collaborator Martin Seligman found that the common trait shared by the happiest 10 per cent of their respondents was strong ties to family and friends.
'Word needs to be spread,' Dr Diener said. 'It is important to work on social skills, close interpersonal ties and social support in order to be happy.'
Attitude is also important. Indeed, research is bearing out what the Dalai Lama has long held: 'If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you will feel happy.'
Journalist Eric Weiner, who has travelled to different countries to study happiness, reported in The New York Times on July 19 that attitude was the key reason Denmark is the 'happiness superpower'.
Like the Swedes and the Finns, Danes tend to be healthy, married and active - all hallmarks of a happy heart. But unlike their fellow Scandinavians, Danes also have lower expectations of life, reported Mr Weiner, quoting demographic studies.
'They live their life as the Buddha advised - in the present, not grasping some future happiness jackpot.'
So are happiness, ambition and the drive to excel incompatible? In a new book, The Pursuit Of Perfect, psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar argues that the pursuit of perfection is the biggest obstacle to happiness. Perfectionists, he says, reject anything that is less than flawless and suffer because they often cannot meet their own high standards. If we wish to be happy, we should aim to be 'optimalists' instead - 'good enough', rather than perfect, in our studies, work and love, he says.
Much of what is Dr Ben-Shahar's book formed the basis of a class on 'positive psychology' that he taught at Harvard in 2006 - one of the most popular courses ever taught at the university. He is scheduled to speak in Singapore in January next year, when he will undoubtedly make the case that you don't have to be perfect to be happy.
That's a message we should all take to heart.
