Between ethics and etiquette: shark's fins and other food

More people are taking a stand on what they eat, but where do they draw the line between political correctness and politeness?
Sandra Leong, Sunday Times 29 Aug 10;

Whenever Olivia Choong receives an invitation to a wedding, she makes it a point to ask if shark's fin soup is being served. If it is, she skips the occasion.

Both a vegetarian and an anti-shark's fin advocate, she made an exception earlier this year when a persuasive bride-to-be begged her to ease up on her self-imposed ban. But she felt torn.

'In the two weeks that led up to the wedding, all the voices inside my head were saying 'don't go',' she says.

In the end, she presented the bridal couple with a special 'hongbao' at the dinner. Designed by LoveSharks.sg, a local anti-shark's fin group, a message on it urges diners to boycott the delicacy.

'My friends usually give me a polite smile when they accept the 'hongbao',' says Ms Choong, a 31-year-old publicist who is the founder of Green Drinks Singapore, a networking platform for environmentalists.

Fellow environmentalist Jaki Teo, 28, a marketing director for a diving company and the organiser of LoveSharks.sg, also finds herself in similar situations.

She says: 'If it is a business dinner, I would ask to change the venue. Most business associates are very understanding. They are also afraid to make things awkward so they usually try to remove the awkwardness by going somewhere else.'

Things are a 'bit more complicated' if the event is a friend's wedding. 'What I did the last time was tell my friend that many people these days do not consume shark's fin and it would be a waste of money for him to serve it.' she says.

'I also made it very clear that he would get a much smaller 'hongbao' if he served shark's fin.'

Ms Choong and Ms Teo are not alone in their ethical eating approach.

Increasingly more people are taking a stand on what they eat, in a more environmentally concerned world: from rallying against the slaughter of sharks to abstaining from meat to lowering their carbon footprint.

However, it is throwing up a slew of new social dilemmas about drawing the line between ethics and etiquette.

When does turning down a bowl of shark's fin soup at a dinner - or in Ms Choong's case, not attending at all - border on bad manners?

At one end of the spectrum, people whose causes dictate their appetites contend that they should consistently stand up for what they believe in.

At the other end, there is this: between political correctness and politeness, should it not be the latter that takes precedence?

Wealth manager and meat-lover S.K. Tan, 43, attended a wedding where the hosts did not serve meat for ethical reasons. He says: 'I didn't think it was very considerate of the couple. I was hungry even after all the courses.

'People can have their own beliefs but I don't think they should impose them on others.'

At a recent Chinese wedding, nurse Joanne Ng, 27, was seated with two guests who looked aggrieved when shark's fin was served.

'One walked out and came back only after the course was cleared, and the other tried to persuade other people at the table to boycott the dish,' she says.

'I felt they spoilt the party and made it about them rather than the couple.'

Because so many of these awkward situations revolve around the favourite Singaporean pastime of eating and dining out, it seems new social minefields are emerging daily.

There are difficult questions, whatever your beliefs: to attend or not to attend, to serve or not to serve, to speak up or to hold your peace.

A few missteps, such as unveiling a steak and kidney pie at a vegan potluck or telling an 80-year-old Chinese grandfather that eating shark's fin is 'wrong', and you might be committing social suicide.

Ms Choong, for one, knows that her behaviour, from wedding no-shows to perennial requests for meat-free meal options, renders her 'troublesome' to friends and family. 'I have met a lot of men who say they could never date a vegetarian,' she says with a laugh.

But she adds: 'I've come to believe that it is restaurants that sabotage my friendships and family ties�since they are the ones depriving vegetarians of variety.'

Etiquette consultant Raelene Tan says friction might occur in communal settings because these days 'people are more outspoken and are not afraid to air their views, no matter how controversial they may be'.

'Previously, people were more mindful of keeping the peace and toeing the line.'

As far as dinner party etiquette is concerned, the practical answer is that it all depends, says Ms Tan. She believes it is the prerogative of the host to serve what he wants. Special requests from guests are acceptable for religious, medical or ethical reasons, but 'fads and fancies have no place'.

And as for speaking up, walking out or other statements of protest, it is best to do so without any fuss or fanfare. Disrupting the occasion is a big no-no, she adds. (See story on facing page)

Music producer Clarence Tan and communications specialist Ng Shwu Huey, both in their 30s, might have to brace themselves for potential awkwardness. The couple are planning an all-vegetarian wedding dinner in February next year at One Rochester.

Mr Tan is vegan, which means he does not take meat and dairy products. Ms Ng is vegetarian but also an 'aspiring vegan', she says.

They are inviting about 180 guests to sample a vegetarian buffet featuring Asian and Western cuisines.

Both members of Singapore's Vegetarian Society, they are against the killing of animals for food. 'If we serve meat at our wedding, that would be the biggest cop-out,' says Mr Tan. 'Certainly there will be people who mind but we have to live by our principles. If we bend in every direction, we would find it hard to live with ourselves.'

Ms Ng adds: 'It's our wedding. We don't want to have blood on our hands.'

Though they faced 'some resistance' from their non-vegetarian parents, the couple hope to show non-believers that vegetarian fare is more than just greens and tofu. 'It can actually be very sumptuous,' says Ms Ng.

Mr Tan says: 'It's also a chance to show the venue that there is demand for vegetarian food. And if our guests didn't come for our reception, they would be having a non-vegetarian dinner somewhere. So this is a chance for them to explore a new culinary experience.

'If you go to a Malay wedding, you wouldn't say 'I'm Chinese, serve me pork' would you? You usually respect the customs and beliefs of the host.'

Both camps make fair points. But one question to ponder is: Has the ethical eating movement gone overboard into militant activism?

Apart from being picky about menus at social events, another perception of anti- shark's fin/foie gras/bluefin tuna/red meat advocates is that they like talking your ear off about the world's problems.

People come first

Mr Michael Ma, 42, chief executive officer of the IndoChine group, is a campaigner against unsustainable foods such as shark's fin and bluefin tuna, whose stocks are rapidly being eradicated. He admits: 'I can be militant.'

He says: 'I can give figures and statistics about all these creatures, but I believe debate is education.'

If he is invited to a meal, he makes his food preferences known to the host beforehand. And if an audience is keen, he seizes the opportunity to spread the word. 'I usually ask the person how many kids they have and ask if they think it's fair that their kids won't get to see endangered animals anymore.'

Mr John Thet, 40, publisher and managing director of Asian Geographic Magazines, is another passionate environmentalist whose tough standards might raise eyebrows.

He makes his staff of 22 swear off eating shark's fin and any other endangered animal species. The pledge is listed as an actual term in their employment contracts, which staff sign before joining the company.

Mr Victor Ow, 43, the company's accounts and human resource manager who signed the contract, says: 'The staff are usually surprised but not taken aback. And we rely on self-enforcement. What you do outside, we can't control but most of us do believe in the cause.'

Asked whether he is taking advocacy one step too far, Mr Thet says: 'We don't force anyone. Most of my staff agree anyway. I never encourage hardcore campaigning because it just pushes people away.'

As tour agent Grant Pereira, 61, who is adviser and educational coordinator for Asia for the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, puts it: 'There are plenty of militants out there. But I would not react to their ranting and raving.'

He has not touched shark's fin, abalone, bluefin tuna, sea cucumber and other endangered sea life for 25 years. He says: 'It's best to make your point firmly and quietly. People don't react well to grandstanding.'

Indeed, mutual tolerance and restraint seem to be the way to go.

Take lecturer George Jacobs, 58, a vegan of 30 years, and his wife, private banker Fong Cheng Hong, 50. After 20 years of marriage, she still loves her meat.

Describing her husband as 'very liberal', Madam Fong says: 'By the time I met him, I was set in my ways. I wish I could change but I can't. All I can do is to try to reduce my meat intake.'

The couple make daily compromises. They have smoothies for breakfast and a simple vegetarian meal for dinner. But at their separate lunch hours, she is free to eat meat.

She does not expect him to prepare meat for her but says: 'Even if we invite friends over, we rarely have vegetarian as most of them are meat lovers.'

'We emphasise the social, not the food,' says Mr Jacobs, who is president of the Vegetarian Society.

Researcher Jared Tham, 32, believes in the concept of 'virtual water', choosing what food to eat depending on how much water has been used to process it. He tries to stay away from beef, for example, because too much water - 10,000 litres to be exact - is needed to fuel the production process behind just 1kg of the meat.

Thinking over the ethics-etiquette debate, he says: 'My personal preferences should affect just me. They should not go as far as to impact other people. At the end of the day, my relationships with people are more important.'

To eat or not to eat
Here is why green eaters find some foods unethical:

Shark's fin

Of the 100 million sharks killed annually, over 70 million are killed solely for their fins, some reports say. Activists claim the creatures are killed inhumanely - their fins are removed while they are still alive and their finless bodies thrown back into the sea for a slow death.

With over 90 per cent of the world's large shark population wiped out, many species face extinction if they continue to be hunted for their fins.

Bluefin tuna

Their stocks, mainly Atlantic, Pacific and southern bluefin tuna, have depleted rapidly over the years. The Japanese market for sushi and sashimi accounts for about 40 per cent of consumption.

If overfishing carries on, the bluefin tuna population will soon become extinct.

Meat

Some animal lovers believe it is not their moral right to eat meat, others are against the cruelty of the slaughtering practices.

Environmentalists who go vegetarian or vegan are concerned about the amount of energy used in the production processes of meat. For example, it has been said that producing 1kg of beef creates more greenhouse gas emissions and other pollution than driving a car for three hours while leaving the lights on at home.

What's the beef?

Etiquette expert Raelene Tan weighs in on some sticky situations. Is it acceptable to...

# Decline an invitation to a wedding dinner where shark's fin is being served?

Not quite, says Ms Tan. This might make it seem as if 'the food to be served is more important than the reason for the event, which is the wedding of friends and relatives'.

# Excuse yourself when the shark's fin course is served?

'If a guest feels so strongly, it should be done without fuss or fanfare, without any mention of why he is taking momentary leave,' she says.

# Speak up about the slaughter of sharks or other unethical means used in the obtaining of food items, when you are a dinner guest?

Yes, if in a light-hearted manner. But if you are the confrontational sort who might upset people, it might be better not to go in the first place.

She says: 'A guest's role is to be supportive of the host and hostess. If the conversation leans towards a particular pet cause, the guest should respect others' thoughts and agree to disagree when necessary.'

# Throw an all-vegetarian wedding dinner even if most of your guests are omnivorous?

The style of the wedding dinner, including the menu, is the prerogative of the bridal couple.

Guests should be informed so they can make appropriate arrangements, like having a light dinner beforehand if they are not keen on vegetables. The red packet can be adjusted according to the perceived value of the meal and venue.

However, she adds: 'The money is meant as a gift, not to pay for your attendance.'

# Call ahead of a dinner party to request a special meal option?

This is acceptable only if the request is made for religious, medical or strong ethical reasons.

'Fads and fancies have no place. It is easy to avoid eating something that is not appealing, without alerting anyone to the fact,' she says.

A seasoned host should always check guests' dietary requirements in advance.