It's not where you're buried ...

Tabitha Wang Today Online 6 Nov 11;

My grandmother's last wish was to be cremated and her ashes scattered into the sea. Her children complied, taking a sampan to the middle of the sea to give her a head start in her trip around the world.

Initially, when she mooted the idea, some of us tried to talk her out of it.

Without a proper grave and headstone, where would we go to remember her every Qing Ming? Where would we take our future kids to "visit" their great-grandma?

But having lived over 80 years, she'd seen many of her relatives buried, forgotten, then later exhumed - so she knew that graves were not as permanent as they once were.

Plus, as her children and grandchildren were scattered around the globe anyway, she fancied the idea of going around and calling on each of us, in a manner of speaking.

It was difficult letting go at first. We lamented the lack of a focal point to mourn her.

Twelve years after her death, though, we've come to realise how wise her decision had been. Every Qing Ming, we throw flowers into the sea - in our respective countries - to pay our respects. We don't need a headstone to remember her as she lives on in our hearts.

Whenever there is a family get-together, she is always mentioned. My uncles never fail to remember her in the grace they say before our Chinese New Year reunion dinners.

The Chinese believe that their ancestors' graves are sacred, as the feng shui or location of the burial sites will affect the fortunes of the descendents. In the old days, gangsters would desecrate the ancestral tombs of rival leaders in the belief that it would bring bad luck to the other gang.

I have noticed no particular changes in the family fortune since my great-grandfather was exhumed from the Bidadari Cemetery in the early 2000s.

Then again, maybe his body has never left, seeing as the only items they recovered when they opened his grave were his spectacles and some shirt buttons.

Those who have been following my column know that I am a strong believer in conservation, especially as modern Singapore has so few places of real heritage value now.

I am not so sure about cemeteries, though. Heritage buildings can be re-purposed into museums, restaurants and shopping malls but you can't very well turn cemeteries into a restaurant, can you?

Yes, Bukit Brown cemetery does hold the graves of many prominent Singaporeans, some people have recently pointed out. But, judging from the condition of many of the graves, has anyone really cared about them until now?

And how are these graves any more important than my great-grandfather's? He may not have been a millionaire philanthropist but he was an important and much-loved member of my family.

There is a Malay saying: "When they die, an elephant leaves behind its tusks, a tiger its stripes and a man his name." The deeds of these illustrious men are already remembered without anyone having to visit their graves.

In Hong Kong, grave sites cost as much as, if not more than, homes for the living. In fact, there is now a push to encourage cremation, with the ashes scattered at sea - as in the case of my grandmother.

Singapore only has about 700 sq km to house its 5 million people. There is only so much reclamation that can be done before its neighbours complain about boundaries.

You really can't have it both ways.

Want more homes? Then something has got to give.

Cemeteries are such an inefficient use of land space. And ironically, for feng shui reasons, they are also situated in amazing locations that are perfect for the living, too.

Take Bishan, for example. Convenient and central, it is no wonder that HDB flats there are going for record prices.

I have no doubt that once people have lost their initial squeamishness, Tengah and Bidadari are going to prove popular places to live in too.

By the way, if an apparition should turn up in Bidadari New Town giving his name as Lee Kim Siang, can you tell him his great-granddaughter says hi and can she have a 4D number please?



Tabitha Wang would like to be cremated and have her ashes turned into a diamond. That way, she'd be adding to instead of subtracting from value to the family fortunes when she dies.